Finding Your Self-Love Language

Finding your self-love language is less like a scavenger hunt and a lot more like a process of elimination. It starts with examining the five common love languages and seeing which one speaks to you most. For some people, this might be easy, while others might feel a little lost at first. No stress – I’ll walk you through your Self-Love Language.

self-love language
Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash

It ‘s important to remember that developing your self-love language is a progression, not an overnight thing. Some days, you may feel on top of the world. While other days, you may want the floor to swallow you up whole.

Super normal! None of us are perfect, especially when learning to speak our love language. 

Discovering Your Self-love Language

So, what does your self-love language look like? I’ve identified five different ways to express self-love. They include: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

By the end of this guide, you should feel more confident in figuring out your self-love language and how to start improving on that aspect of your life.

1. Words of Affirmation

It’s so hard to love yourself in a world that’s constantly telling you not to. But self-love and self-acceptance are so important to your overall well being.

Affirmations are positive statements to help you challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you constantly repeat them and believe in them, you can make positive changes.

Here are self-love ideas for words of affirmation:
  • Write down a self-affirmation and keep it somewhere visible. 
  • Write a letter to yourself.
  • Make a scrapbook or a photo album filled with memories from your life that make you happy. 
  • Do a 30-Day Gratitude Challenge.
  • Save encouraging and motivating quotes.
  • Recite positive self-love affirmations daily.
  • Create a vision board.
  • Write down things you love about yourself.
  • Compliment yourself in the mirror every day!
  • Take time to put yourself first and understand what you need in a day.
  • Remind yourself of your accomplishments and the situations you’ve survived.

2. Acts of Service

The love language acts of service are about doing what you know will make you happy.  

When you identify with the acts of service as a love language, you may feel underappreciated. You’ll complain that nobody does anything for you or that no one ever thinks about you or your needs. But remember: The love language acts of service aren’t just about doing things for other people; it’s also about doing something for yourself!

This one is all about what you can do for yourself to show your love. Often, we are so busy taking care of others that we don’t even have time to think about what we need to be doing for ourselves.

Here are self-love ideas for acts of service:
  1. Volunteering.
  2. Donate to charity.
  3. Cook a meal from scratch just for myself.
  4. Make your bed every morning and put your clothes away each night.
  5. Clean up your things or room.
  6. Take a walk in nature without checking your phone.
  7. Work on an art project that will fill you with joy and inspiration.
  8. Turn off all electronics after 10 pm and read a book instead.
  9. Make a chore chart and try to stick to it so that I can have more free time.
  10. Start a daily meditation practice so I always feel grounded, centered, and peaceful.
  11. Cook your favorite comfort food.

3. Physical Touch

Physical touch is an essential part of self-love. There are many different types of physical touch that you can use to improve your mood and take care of yourself. 

Hugging yourself can be a part of self-love through physical touch. It is believed that hugging yourself increases oxytocin, which helps to reduce stress and anxiety. It also reduces blood pressure, lowers heart rate, and cuddling releases endorphins — the body’s natural feel-good hormones.

self love language
Photo by Remote Yogi
Here are self-love ideas for physical touch:
  • Enjoy a back or foot massage.
  • Wrap your arms and squeeze yourself.
  • Simply walking around outside
  • Self-care routine.
  • Do some yoga, may it be alone or in a class.
  • Head to your local spa for a facial or body treatment.
  • Snuggling up with a blanket or pet.
  • Sitting in the sun and soaking up some rays.
  • Continue your fitness journey.
  • Take a hot bath or shower with essential oils.
  • Go for a swim.

4. Quality time

Self-love is a way of showing yourself that you are important and worthy of your own time and attention. It can be easy to forget that you need to set aside time for self-care, so it’s important to schedule it into your calendar.

Quality time is a choice you make to yourself with undivided attention. It means taking the time to be fully present with yourself. Quality time can also mean intentionally setting aside time to do an activity that you can enjoy.

Here are self-love ideas for quality time:
  • Take a long walk through a park or wooded area.
  • Get lost in your favorite book.
  • Take a nap.
  • Go to a movie by yourself.
  • Spend time with animals at an animal shelter.
  • Watch your favorite TV show or movie at home.
  • Take an exercise class.
  • Do yoga or meditate.
  • Cook a meal.
  • Have a glass of wine while soaking in the tub.
  • Read a book before bedtime.
  • Eat alone in a restaurant.
  • Try traveling solo.

5. Receiving gifts

The last act of self-love is receiving gifts.

If you don’t think you deserve a gift from yourself – you may be wrong. Hear me out 🙂

If giving yourself a gift feels weird to you, this probably stems from your deep subconscious. You might have false beliefs that cause you to feel selfish for buying yourself something. Or maybe you think that buying gifts for others is just what you’re supposed to do.

But here’s the thing: Not only are there no rules when it comes to gift-giving, but self-love is also incredibly important. If buying or making something for yourself makes you feel happy and loved? Even better.

Here are self-love ideas for receiving gifts:
  • Treat yourself to a grocery spree.
  • Eat your favorite dessert.
  • Buy a ticket to your favorite artist/band/movie.
  • Start a DIY project.
  • Do online shopping for your furniture.
  • Buy a bouquet of flowers for yourself.
  • Learn a new skill or hone an existing one that you’ve been neglecting.
  • Dress up and feel great by updating your wardrobe.
  • Buy a book about self-love.
  • Get a pedicure, manicure, or both.
self-love language
Photo by Arturo Rey on Unsplash

Learning to love yourself is an important skill to have, so taking the time to identify your self-love language will help you develop it and make sure that you’re living in a way that reflects your values. 

You can be sweet and kind to yourself. You can treat yourself like your number one friend and take care of yourself as such. You can spend time with yourself and enjoy your own company. You can listen to music that makes you happy, eat food that makes you feel good, and buy things for yourself that make you smile or help you grow or get better at something important to you.

Most importantly, you can love yourself! 

Taryn Raine