Listen to this episode Here! ????
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This is a story of triumph.
A story of defeat.
A story of will, mindset and lessons,
That will leave you on your feet.
This story is laced with pain.
Spotted with tenderness.
A story with tears, joy and all the things,
That expand your self awareness.
So gather ‘round and settle in,
The storyteller speaks.
Listen closely and you’ll hear,
The wisdom that you seek.
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Ugh, Alanna…Damn you, Alanna!
These words streamed through my brain for the thousandth time as Alanna hit yet another effortless homerun.
Bink! The sound of the softball colliding with the aluminum bat in just the right way that projected it over the heads of the outfielders. We knew it before we saw it with our eyes because that’s the sound a homerun makes.
This is the sound we spent hours of batting practice striving to hear. Swing after swing after swing, constantly making micro adjustments to our bodies and our minds so we could become good friends with it.
My friendly home run sound didn’t seem to like me lately. I was 17, obsessed with softball, addicted to athletics, and no matter how many extra hours I spent practicing, I was in a major slump.
So every time Alanna came up to bat, or fielded a ground ball smoothly, or threw a runner out with direct precision…and did it all so…easily, I took it personally.
It’s not fair! I would hear myself exclaim silently. She doesn’t even try!
Alanna was one of those “naturally talented” gals. You know…the ones that are twice as good as you even though you work ten times harder than them?
Ugh, Alanna…Damn you, Alanna!
Even more infuriating was that Alanna was (and is) a super kind and funny human. So, ya know…I couldn’t even make her the bad guy. 😉
Point is…
I spent a lot of mental energy being angry at the injustice of talents that existed here. Until one day…
“The only thing you have control over is you.”
I heard this sentiment somewhere around that time, and I chose to give it a try. What if, instead of focusing on Always So Perfect Alanna, I just focused on me? My efforts, my mindset, my progress, my results?
Hmmm…
An opening.
A shift.
A new landscape for approaching my life.
I hit 3 homeruns the next game. 😉
Fast forward a few decades ????.
I’m in the pool, doing laps next to my friend Ana. It’s our first time swimming together. Our first time seeing each other’s swim history show up in our strokes, our breaths, our flip turns, and our kicks.
I’ve never done anything athletic with Ana, but I know she was a Marine in her younger years. And that’s enough to know she’s tough.
She puts on her swim cap, adjusts her goggles and grabs her kick board.
I don’t have a swim cap. My racing suit is dry and about to take its maiden voyage in the water. I play with my new goggles, searching the ridges of my eyes that will suction them perfectly to my face. Even though I’ve swam since I was four years old, I’m nervous. It’s been years since I’ve done this. Up until a few days ago, I didn’t even own goggles and a suit anymore.
I’m watching Ana’s moves, her familiarity with the pool, her innate knowledge of what to do.
I take a deep breath, close my eyes…and push off the wall.
One stroke, then two, then three…breathe.
Stroke, stroke, breathe.
Stroke, stroke, breathe.
My arms lock into the muscle memory from long ago, immediately bending and moving and stroking in the optimal way they’ve practiced millions of times.
My legs power up and quickly find their cadence. I feel the rhythm of a train sing through me.
Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga…toot toot!
Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick…breathe.
It feels so good to be in the water again, to feel my muscles tighten, to feel my heart racing, to dance with the energy of competition again as it spreads through my veins and my mind.
Ana’s waiting for me as I finish the first block.
“Dang girl…you’re a fast swimmer!” she says with a smile.
The sides of my mouth curve just a bit in a proud smile. I still got it. 😉
Block after block, we swim our way through the hour, and I feel invigorated. Alive. Full of joy.
We ease into our last few laps – arm pulls – only stroking with our arms while our legs are buoyed unmoving behind us.
I’m halfway down the pool, Ana next to me in her own lane, as we both reach toward the wall. I create a mental game. You got this, Katie…you can beat her to the wall. These micro mental games are a vital part of competition.
Stroke, stroke, breathe.
Stroke, stroke, breathe.
She sped up.
Stroke, stroke, reach.
Stroke, stroke, reach.
I flipped myself just before the wall and pushed off in the opposite direction a split second before she did.
Woo hoo! My solo celebration cheered in my head, as I quickly realized I needed to keep moving fast if I wanted to keep my lead.
Underwater, I caught quick glances of her form and her speed.
And then it dawned on me…
I can’t control how fast Ana goes. I can only control how fast I go.
This little mini moment of competition I created for fun had absolutely nothing to do with my friend.
It was Me vs. Me.
And just like when I was 17, I pulled my attention back inside and decided who I wanted to be in that moment. What I wanted. And let that dictate my actions.
Me vs. Me.
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I know that you’ve heard,
The noise all around,
Your attention’s on everyone else.
You start to compare,
What’s yours and what’s theirs,
And soon you feel like you’re less.
But bring yourself in,
Away from the noise,
Reminding yourself who you are.
There’s no one like you,
In this whole Universe,
You get to set your own bar.
So glance at the others,
Then come back to you,
It’s you versus you in the end.
How can you be,
Even better than before?
How can you stretch and transcend?
They all jumble up,
Inside of your mind,
The thoughts you can choose to be true.
So sift through them all,
And grab those that help,
Evolve you to the best version of you.
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Where might you feel a little “less than” in your life?
How might you bring your focus inside and honor your own journey?
How might you shift your competitiveness or comparisons with others to a more playful competition for yourself?
How much energy would you save if you did these things? (answer: a ton!)
You get to control you.
Your life. Your way.
It’s just You vs. You.
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This journey you’re on,
Is yours and yours alone,
Design it with intention and joy.
Let everyone else,
Just fade into gray,
This life is for you to enjoy.
Need some help drowning out all that noise? All those voices trying to compare yourself to others? Our meditations can help 😉 ???????? ???? Women’s Meditation Network. Here’s one of my favorites called Your Life, Your Way.
Namaste, Beautiful…
???? Katie
