Listen to this episode Here! ????
Thanksgiving sucked…How Was Yours?
I know, I know…that goes against everything I should be saying right now. I should be telling you it was amazing having a ton of friends over, how full of gratitude I was all day, yada yada yada.
And yes, yes…I am grateful and it was great having friends and family over…I’ll circle back around to that later.
But, as I chatted with my friend today, I heard myself begin to recite the usual “oh, we had such a great time, I’m so grateful” answer when she asked how my Thanksgiving had been. I stopped in the middle of my sentence and changed directions. “Actually, if I’m really honest…my Thanksgiving sucked.”
As I told her what happened, I noticed the energy between us change from cordial to real. The walls of pretense and expected norms vanished. We were completely present with each other. My honesty gave her an opening to be honest with me about her life.
We weren’t venting or stewing in negativity…we were simply processing life with one another authentically. It tied another knot of closeness between us and we hung up feeling seen, expressed and loved.
The power of honesty.
It connects us. To ourselves and to others.
Why Thanksgiving Sucked
Why my Thanksgiving sucked is actually not that important. But, I’ll give you a snapshot just because it’s humorous and relatable.
My husband and I got into a fight.
Most of it was just who’s-on-first style miscommunication. So and so is going to be late, should we wait? Yes? No? Where are you? Can we start yet? Where are you? Why did you start without me? I thought you said we weren’t waiting? Ugh. Where are you?? You know the drill. And it all came to a head right at the moment when all 25 of us were sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner (of course it did ????♀️).
If you had been a guest in my house that day, you would have noticed nothing. You would have been chatting the afternoon away taking blissful bites of the yummy food. But I knew we were off. He knew we were off. And the unified team we usually are was missing. The energy of togetherness was missing. And that sucked.
By the next day, we had worked it all out. Said all the apologies and doled out forgiveness so we could learn, transcend and move on. As all good couples do.
Does anyone else have less-than-perfect experiences with their partners during big gatherings? ????????♀️
Can We Say It Sucks Without Being “Negative” or “Ungrateful?”
In that split second before I admitted my truth to my friend, a few thoughts shot into my mind.
If I tell her the truth, am I being “negative?” Will she think I’m ungrateful? Or snooty because I’m not focusing on all my blessings?
Am I giving more energy to the “bad” than the good? Will that impact what I’m attracting?
Perhaps your mind thinks of these things too?
So, let’s back up a second.
There’s a big difference between honoring your emotions and letting your emotions rule your life.
When we honor our emotions, we’re allowing them to move through us, like a breeze passing by and kissing our skin on its way. Or, sometimes that may feel more like a category 5 hurricane whose winds uproot our surroundings, am I right?
Whatever the emotions may be, we witness them, feel them as they move through us. We learn from them. Learn about ourselves as we dance with their winds and use them as a way to remember who we are.
But when we let our emotions rule our lives, we forget who we are. And instead think that we are the emotions. That we are an “angry person.” We are a “depressed” or “stressed person.” We are an “anxious person.” And then we see life through the lens of these emotions, giving up our power as we navigate the world finding more evidence to support this myth.
So, I pose the question again…can we say something sucked without it meaning we’re being “negative” and “ungrateful?”
If you’re honoring your emotions…then yes. You absolutely can.
Just note that this might get hairy when and if you share with others. Because others will always have an opinion about what you share. But, that’s their stuff. Not yours.
Example: when I told my mom that “Thanksgiving sucked,” I could tell it shattered her ideal version of family holidays for a moment. She spent a lot of her energy trying to convince me it actually didn’t suck so she could preserve her ideal Thanksgiving experience.
Hindsight is Always 20/20
The beautiful thing about honoring all your emotions, is that after they’ve traveled through you, you still stand strong as you. A little wiser. A little more clear on who you are. So, you can now look back on what happened and understand the whole picture. You can now see the distinction between what sucked and what was actually incredibly special.
Which is why I can say that my Thanksgiving sucked, but also feel genuine gratitude for the people, experiences and food that came together that day. I can still have a positive mental attitude about life and not drown in the ocean of complaining.
And one of the things I’m super grateful for is that I get to share my yummy vegan food with others! The sweet potato casserole, stuffing and pumpkin pie were just a few of the hits!
The Truth Will Set You Free
Sharing your truth gives others permission to share theirs. Which is why my friend opened up to me without the veneer of casual niceties once I told her my Thanksgiving sucked. Because she felt a little more okay that her life wasn’t perfect.
Neither is yours.
Neither is mine.
She felt a little more real. Less judged. More seen. More authentic. And we felt more connected.
A Little Test During the Holidays
Perhaps this is a good time to practice being a bit more honest with yourself about your emotions. It’s the holiday season and there are a lot of expectations on what life “should” look like right now. I’m not asking you to nitpick and find things to complain about. I’m simply suggesting that you look honestly at your emotions and allow yourself to feel them and process them fully. And allow them to give you clearer insights into who you are and what you need to live your best life.
Give yourself a little test these next few weeks. Let it be okay if you don’t feel all holly jolly every minute of the day. And see what happens. Find a journal and write about everything that’s going on in your head and your heart. Talk through your emotions with a trusted friend or partner. Talk them out loud to yourself on a nature walk. Just feel them all. And be honest about them.
Because they will always help you to come back home to yourself.
Namaste, Beautiful…????
Katie Krimitsos
Creator of the Women’s Meditation Network
katie@womensmeditationnetwork.com
